I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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