At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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