I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
