My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
