Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
