enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize