my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
