Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
