i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
