No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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