No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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