I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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