I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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