I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
