i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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