Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
