I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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