I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
