So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
