he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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