I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
