remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
