He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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