Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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