i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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