i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
