someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
