I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
