I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
