she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
