sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
