Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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