he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
