i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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