I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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