I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
