i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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