Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
