I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
