so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
