Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
