If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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