tell your sister to shave her snatch
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
