this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
