ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
