how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
