4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
