Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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