Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize