His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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