ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
