good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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