Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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