Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize