Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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