Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
