Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
