If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
