Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
