i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
