i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
