Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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