I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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