and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
