He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
