he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
