I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
