Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
