I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
