I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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