I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
