I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
