y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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